"He's not doing well," my parents-in-law painfully sharing us the news a few weeks ago. Four days ago, my 16 year old cat Vidar, has finally gone to cat heaven. "It's just a cat," trying to reason to myself when I couldn't just stop crying. When I literally feel the hole in my heart. I feel so stupid to feel this very profound grief for my cat.

Vidar has been with us for 13.5 years out of his 16 happy years. My parents-in-law happily adopted him when we were relocated to Singapore two and a half years ago. Vidar knows them so well. He has been visiting them regularly since he joined our family. Vidar would just sleep on the 6 hour trip on the car floor without a bit of complain. They cat-sit when we go on long holidays. He was truly part of the family. 

I was hoping he would move with us to Singapore, so a check-up is necessary and a vet's advise on how a 13 hour flight is for a cat at his age. But we were faced of a decision to have to leave him behind. He was diagnosed with a tumor on his liver, a year maximum to live. He was never ever really sick and I was hoping he still has his 6 lives remaining for this. But the vet thoughtfully told me to choose quality of life for Vidar. It was difficult to leave him behind but he was in good hands with my parents-in-law. And they all get to enjoy 2.5 more years of Vidar.

"It's just a cat," so smart when his bridge fell over and he couldn't go out, he had to ask us five times to follow him so he could show us before we got it. It's just a cat, so wonderfully nice that when we leave him locked in the house for a 3 day getaway, we would always find the house exactly the same without one thing moved or broken, only a very happy purring cat to welcome us. It's just a cat, he was such a good hunter that it was the first time I saw a cicada up close, thanks to him. It's just a cat, so funny that when we forgot a 700g raw veal meat in a thermic bag on the chair for the weekend, he had consumed it all for the whole 2 days, again finding a very happy purring cat and not one crumb of meat left. It's just a cat, so affectionate that when my husband is on a business trip, he will make sure he will be home to accompany me when I sleep alone. It's just a cat, so grateful that when he had a dried wheat pin stuck in his eyes, he brought us a bird to thank us for treating him with eye drops for days. It's just a cat, who made my father-in-law very emotional, feeling the hole of his presence in the house. "Ca va passer," my mother-in-law said. Yes, it will pass. It will be a long time for my cheeks to be dry every time I will think of him.

To those who have and had cats will understand the special bond they create. Cats have always been misunderstood by their independence and for a somewhat lack of expression. I will always now prefer cats from dogs, and I grew up with dogs. I even had a black Labrador, who I sometimes believe have reincarnated a part of her in Vidar.  

It's just a cat, to everybody else.

It's my cacat, my caton, my chaton, my booboop - my very first cat. And he was perfect.