When my sister-in-law was planning their holidays in Europe, there were some concerns about safety. It has been 18 years since we moved out of Paris, and 6 years since I last went - an idea of a city, or the country's current ambience are all drawn from the media, or from a friend of a friend of a friend.  So, I sent her a video I found online on the latest scams going on in Paris. There is nothing more powerful now than the media, or the social media  grapevine.

We have never been so informed of the situation of the world. Different mediums, several sources, and many truths. At the height of the Gilets Jaunes protests, we've seen so much discrepancy on the information given on television, online or on print. Some contested videos and debates, but what does it all mean? And all the other information available to us?

My husband mentioned how he was a bit worried going around Colmar in Alsace with 6 Asian women. We had an unusually bright sunny day, a temperature of 29°C, and an unexpected crowd for the season. Not even once did we feel threatened, or unsafe. Just a bit disappointed with the amount of tourists. Apparently, my husband have always had a different idea of the town. We all have, even if we haven't been to these places.

Manila have always had a bad reputation, it sparks all sorts of fear. I'm also uneasy every time I come home to visit, then it's always never that bad once you're there. The Philippines have never really been the first choice of holiday destination for the expats I've met. Sensing their anxiousness in traveling around the islands, and it's always not easy to get around 7,100 of them. To some degree, we all have travel anxiety which are partly fueled by the information we know of a certain place. 

The news. It has never been so accessible in so many platforms. It's becoming more bold, and some as audacious as it is have become normal. Virtually everybody can provide documented information. We rely on stories from a friend of a friend of a friend. Sometimes I worry how information circulate this way. The worst part is how we share it on social media platforms, reposting without confirming the validity of said information. We have never had an era where too much information is readily available in one click, or a lack of it where it really matters. I have been getting more and more depressed of actually knowing what is happening around the world, and that fear of a place I have not even been. Media anxiety. 

What we have is a very powerful tool. It can bring us to places, and we have never been more connected than before. So connected that friendships were broken due to a difference of political or religious opinion. So connected that we have somewhat lost trust. And it started with, "I heard it's not safe to go to Paris?" Or, "I heard Manila is dangerous?" What else more do we hear that question our awareness?

Responsible reading, my husband tells me over and over, "too much work", I say. Responsible reading.   

"He's not doing well," my parents-in-law painfully sharing us the news a few weeks ago. Four days ago, my 16 year old cat Vidar, has finally gone to cat heaven. "It's just a cat," trying to reason to myself when I couldn't just stop crying. When I literally feel the hole in my heart. I feel so stupid to feel this very profound grief for my cat.

Vidar has been with us for 13.5 years out of his 16 happy years. My parents-in-law happily adopted him when we were relocated to Singapore two and a half years ago. Vidar knows them so well. He has been visiting them regularly since he joined our family. Vidar would just sleep on the 6 hour trip on the car floor without a bit of complain. They cat-sit when we go on long holidays. He was truly part of the family. 

I was hoping he would move with us to Singapore, so a check-up is necessary and a vet's advise on how a 13 hour flight is for a cat at his age. But we were faced of a decision to have to leave him behind. He was diagnosed with a tumor on his liver, a year maximum to live. He was never ever really sick and I was hoping he still has his 6 lives remaining for this. But the vet thoughtfully told me to choose quality of life for Vidar. It was difficult to leave him behind but he was in good hands with my parents-in-law. And they all get to enjoy 2.5 more years of Vidar.

"It's just a cat," so smart when his bridge fell over and he couldn't go out, he had to ask us five times to follow him so he could show us before we got it. It's just a cat, so wonderfully nice that when we leave him locked in the house for a 3 day getaway, we would always find the house exactly the same without one thing moved or broken, only a very happy purring cat to welcome us. It's just a cat, he was such a good hunter that it was the first time I saw a cicada up close, thanks to him. It's just a cat, so funny that when we forgot a 700g raw veal meat in a thermic bag on the chair for the weekend, he had consumed it all for the whole 2 days, again finding a very happy purring cat and not one crumb of meat left. It's just a cat, so affectionate that when my husband is on a business trip, he will make sure he will be home to accompany me when I sleep alone. It's just a cat, so grateful that when he had a dried wheat pin stuck in his eyes, he brought us a bird to thank us for treating him with eye drops for days. It's just a cat, who made my father-in-law very emotional, feeling the hole of his presence in the house. "Ca va passer," my mother-in-law said. Yes, it will pass. It will be a long time for my cheeks to be dry every time I will think of him.

To those who have and had cats will understand the special bond they create. Cats have always been misunderstood by their independence and for a somewhat lack of expression. I will always now prefer cats from dogs, and I grew up with dogs. I even had a black Labrador, who I sometimes believe have reincarnated a part of her in Vidar.  

It's just a cat, to everybody else.

It's my cacat, my caton, my chaton, my booboop - my very first cat. And he was perfect.