Archive for 2005

Time flies at an accelerating rate. It's christmas once more & another year to our lifetime. I can still remember moments from last year like it was just yesterday. I do wonder if it is because we're now older & we unconciously know that we are at the second half of our lifetime - it is true that the first half brought us more mystery & surprises of things to come.

-My mom's Santa collection -

It was in mid-November when Paris switched their magical christmas lights on - Champs Elysses beaming with holiday madness. In our little barrio, christmas lights were turned on the first of December. You wouldn't even notice them - just another light on the lamp post. The French are just starting to buy their christmas pine trees & decorating their houses with a holiday spirit. The mall crowd have doubled since the turn of the month. I wondered again why my gift shopping was too easy this year.

In the malls, although there are no christmas songs to set the ambiance even further, a stage is set up with your every christmas imagination while Santa waits for children's wishes & photographs. The shops have those little baskets filled with free papillon chocolate candies & super promos. Extra tables line the entrance of shops to accomodate the gift wrapping demand. It is literally a holiday rush that allows us to get into the spirit about 3 weeks before christmas.

My first christmas in France was not that difficult. I was discovering a lot of new things &

to experience the holidays in a different setting excited me. The christmas eve dinner overwhelmed me to no end - France truly exhibits the significance of conviviality in dining & intimacy. Dinner starts at past 8 with the best wines, recipes & cheese. Coffee, hot tea or even digestive liquor are served at past 1am. Gifts are distributed, opened & appreciated. Then you're half digesting in bed at 3 in the morning wondering how you're going to lose those extra pounds when you're about 3 months into the height of winter. But it's just so tempting to have another sliver of foie gras or that homemade dessert. It does only come especially during the holidays. New years are normally spent with friends, champagne & parties. Fireworks are prohibited. Who wants to freeze out in the cold anyway?

- My mother-in-law's homemade Foie Gras, served together with white wine & bread is considered one of the world's greatest delicacies along with truffles & caviar -

The thing is there is nothing like the Filipino christmas. Sure it is the height of total consumerism but putting that aside, there is a certain sensation I couldn't grasp amidst the white christmas of France. After five christmases, I've never put up a tree. Just those simple ornaments for a tinge of christmas decors & it didn't bother me so much. We spent the holidays at our own home only once because I had to work but we normally celebrate it in Belfort with the whole family. Besides, I don't have my mother's knack for house decorations.

As early as September, radios already tease the Filipinos with a little holiday cheer. The malls start setting the christmas spirit & there is literally a change in the air. Sure there are also people who take the opportunity to score brownie points for an early christmas gift or to accumulate them at the end of the year. The Philippines is known to celeberate the holiday season the longest. It is certainly not a christmas rush but rather an ambiance - a spirit I had to understand by being away from this environment I grew up with.

-My mom's christmas tree -

The Simbang Gabi (early morning mass) where we buy puto bumbong for breakfast with the family or breakast at Goodah's with friends. The kris kringle at work & with friends with an imposed gift budget. The many christmas parties to spread the joy. The Filipinos truly exhibit the significance of conviviality in camaraderie.

Our christmas & new year's eve dinner's highlight are the Majestic Ham, sotanghon & my dad's famous 12 grapes - 1 grape for good luck each month. Voices of Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby fill our house with christmas cheer. The neighbors you meet at church after the midnight mass. The giving & opening of gifts are always moving because we always choose the gifts we give with significant meanings. And the display of fireworks on new year's eve - more noise the better to push away the incoming bad luck. The holiday season in the Philippines is truly cheerful & animated through the abundance of faith, belief & spirituality.

I will probably get a tree for next christmas. I already bought a compilation of christmas songs. Afterall, the spirit starts at home & maybe, just maybe, I am able to spread the joy.

Winter has announced it's arrival & France is preparing their tractors of salt for this weekend's forecast of heavy snow. It's raining again today in our region. The other day, we were lightly sprinkled by snow & it does not normally snow in this part of France. Yesterday, the sun decided to grace our day but the vicious mistral (the northwest wind that can blow until 90km/h on a normal day) stings every pore of our skin. After 4 winters, I still cannot manage this morose & depressing season.

As the cold spells begun, France is likewise anticipating the thousands of SDF- sans domicile fixe - the homeless people on the streets. Winter is not only a white christmas or that ski holiday & snowman. It is not only wicked to people like me who have heaters or fireplaces to come home to, it is especially spiteful to the people who does not have a home to keep warm. I have to admit that I was at first surprised to see homeless beggars sleeping in the metros of Paris - poverty is universal & it is unimaginable during this season.

In 2004, there are 200,000 homeless people of which 20,000 are children, comprising of people without papers, family problems & employment difficulties. Every winter, hundreds of them die due to the cold with an average age of 47. They die not only of cold & hunger but also of despair. Naturally, we would think that we are always responsible for wherever we are but with our society today, not only the challenges & hardships, but likewise of despair & depression, it is so easy to find oneself in the streets. To be stable & secured these days has reached a new level - it is a generation where everything is disposable.

More & more people recognize it's significance that last year, there were 4 million people served by the "Restaurant de Coeur (restaurant of the heart)." It was founded by a famous comedian, Coluche, who had an ambition to open a restaurant to serve 2 to 3 thousand plates per day, for free. The restaurant is serving every winter for 20 years now. There are other numerous associations with different objectives such as "The Collectif - Les Morts de la Rue," a group of associations who gives dignity to deceased homeless people a proper funeral. The "Secours Catholiques" & the "Solidarité Français" to name a few more.

Winter has it's vicious side. He is nasty to me because he stings me that it's so difficult to go out. He is vicious to a world where his stings & pinches cost a life of surviving hunger & despair. It is in winter when we are reminded of the exisitence of this reality - it can happen to anybody, more & more with our world of today - and the numbers are rising.

But snow is still beautiful - when everything is all white & fresh, you can actually breathe in nature & exhale with so much gratitude.

My Big Bucks Driving

Why didn't I have my Philippine driving license exchanged when I had the chance?

I have been religiously going to my driving school everyday at 5pm for 2 hours since September. On monday, I am having my written test where these past few days didn't make me as confident as I was 2 weeks ago. My mock exam results has been going down to 10 mistakes but still averaging at around 6/7 - you are allowed up to only 5 mistakes to pass the written exam. I feel I am ready but terrified to flunk the exam. In short, I am freakingly stressed out. But I have to go for it & my procrastination cost me a lot already.

Then I now have 5 hours of driving on which my instructor thinks I am not yet ready for a driving exam. She actually told me I will need around 10 hours - there goes my 10 years of driving in the freaky streets of Manila. When it is true that the rules here are completely different, you have to be as square as the French. It is just frustrating to realize that my actual driving experience & habits might be the culprit of not having that French driving permit on the first try - and you would think that's the easy part since I already have 10 years of driving in my pocket!

The dilemma now is the price to pay for my negligence when I had the chance to just exchange my Philippine driving permit & my procrastinating for 3 years. Driving schools here are so expensive & there's even no other way to go around it - my driving to freedom & independency here in France is getting bleaker by the day & by the cent - yesterday, all 6 students of my school flunked the driving exam - am I even in a good school where I will be paying 600 - 700€?! That's already a round trip ticket to Manila!

Not only that, France has new rules for the driving exam by February. Aside from the 20 minute scrutinizing of your driving, there's a 15 minute mechanic test where you'll have to be familiar with your car's engine & you will have to change a flat tire. Not only am I feeling abd about how expensive it is & getting so frustrated with my driving, I also now have to run against time - oh, screw it, I am totally screwed anyway.

What's the point of my complaining? Boys & girls, never put off what you can do today. Avoid procrastination & if ever, just in case, no regrets - who am I kidding, my life here sucks & nothing is going right.

I hate winter.

The whistles, the stares (yes, both curious & drooling), the blunt hello & how do you do, the 100 meanings smile - all that any normal man instinctly do & that every woman receives more than once in any given public place. It feels good when your howler is decent & cute but definitely annoying & at times terrifying from aspiring Casanovas. What's the deal with men today?

I've had some howlers & I must say that every one of them made me uncomfortable & terrified - and they are normally not even cute. I just don't think it's the proper channel & that men doesn't even have the slightest clue on how to howl. But is it really bad to howl & at the same time feel good about being howled sometimes? What's with men & howling anyway?

I had the little things you normally don't even notice while walking in Canebiére - the bonjours, greetings like "ni hao ma!" & men who actually try to strike up a conversation & leave when I say I don't speak french - this does not bother me at all. Well, my persistent teenage neighbor & my video club's friend did.

My persistent teenage neighbor & I ran into each other in the train. He stares a lot, tries to speak to me & follows me in the train. Imagine my shock when he went down the same stop as mine. I was terrified because the encounter lasted for almost a week & worried french fry. But he eventually stopped & sometimes we run across each other in the village, still the complete strangers as we are.

My video club's friend just happened last weekend. I was appalled & equally offended. I normally speak a little with my video club's owner & last saturday, on my way out his friend came in & the owner just started a conversation on - of all things, martial arts - heck, what do I know about martial arts?! The friend was no other guy I've ever met - a real aspiring Casanova with a definite "téte du con (jerk)." He actually asked me in english - of course all aspiring Casanovas in France would like to speak english - if I want to go to bed with him. I thought "ça va pas?!" - I just laughed & I actually don't know why I did instead of thinking out loud. He asked for my phone number & I showed him my wedding ring. This did not stop Casanova, "Tu es fidèle (are you faithful)?" And he started boasting about how many women he has & as a matter of factly said he prefers to be single. I just bluntly said that his being single is probably not by choice, "Parce que t'es pas correct (because you are ill-mannered)." The thing with aspiring Casanovas is that they believe that persistence & arrogance is the trick - and what's worse, he actually believed that I will give him my number - duh?! And for those who want to know, he's not at all good looking - at times, it is another sign for an aspiring Casanova.

When I got home & thought about it again, I felt such a weakling. Why can't I assert myself at the moment? Why can't my being offended manifest at the moment needed? I have always believed that arrogant men can be aggressive & to respond to them in the same way can really cause more trouble. My french fry says it's because I'm Asian - too polite to assert myself. It is true that as offended as I can be with strangers, I still have that pearly white teeth smile & complain about it when the coast is clear.

When the Casanovas & howlers in the men's world is not universal, there is a big difference between Filipino & French men as purely based on my experiences - of well, being howled at. I have met very few arrogant & at the same time persistent Casanova Filipino men. But this does not mean they don't exist. I still find some Filipino howlers subtle that it's a mix of offensive, flattering & harmless howls. As with French men, it is direct & serious - no holds barred kind of howl - and it's leaning more on the offensive side. Even way before I got married, I've never liked howlers & Casanovas. There is still a gentleman way to howl - the one women feel good about - there's always a pleasant & polite way to meet someone. Kind of makes you really wonder the kind of relationships one culture has.

Halloween is one of the holidays I have as much memories as Christmas or New Year. In my younger years, costume parties & trick or treating were not widely practiced so it included the yearly showing of "Gabi ng Lagim" on IBC 13, the candle wax balls & the usual pranks to scare the beejeesus out of you - but it likewise means the gathering of relatives.

It is the day to light a candle & pray for our dearly departed - remembering them even if they are not around anymore - it is a spiritual connection. How did All Soul's & Saint's Day become the spooky pumpkin heads & witches, of black cats & bats & the superstitions?

In the Catholic calendar, November 1 is the time to honor the Saints, thus All Saint's Day. People then believed that the dead visit the earth & started to consider this day as holy & was likewise called All Hallow's Day - now shortened to Halloween. But it is the New Year for the Celtics back in the 5th century BC. The Celts believed that the spirits who died within that year seek living bodies to possess for the next year, this was their afterlife - the Panati. People then made their homes undesirable, they wear dreadful costumes & made loud noises to push away these spirits. Now we have costume parties to actually celebrate life & living, and children trick or treating - only treats but no tricks! Read more on Halloween here http://www.jeremiahproject.com/culture/halloween.html & read on the world's different Halloween yearly traditions at :

http://www.novareinna.com/festive/world.html

http://www.jackolanterns.net/traditions.htm.

My Bonfire Stories

As a child, I have always been scared of the spiritual realm that exists in a parallel time - yes, I believe in demons & ghosts and even if I am still terrified of the other world as an adult, I still continue watching horror movies. Last weekend, I just saw White Noise - a story about EVP, Electronic Voice Phenomenon, a way to communicate with the dead through a simple tape recorder. Apparently, EVP is real & numerous people practice it. To what extent should we believe every human's attempt to unravel the mysteries of the unknown - and probably off limits? I have my own share of encounters with the other world & somehow, personal experiences like this make you always doubt.

Not your kind of Romeo

When I was around 10 years old, I have a nanny with whom I was so close with. She would sleep in my room everyday & we would speak until so late in the night - I considered her as one of my best friends. One afternoon in our shop, our gardener informed us that my nanny is sick & we should see her. One of our maids at home also came & told us that she is being possessed. She was banging her head on the walls, her eyes were droopy with big eye bags - as if she was drugged & just one level below an OD. Apparently, our maid is a bit of a quack doctor & was able to extract information from my nanny. According to her, my nanny saw a "nuno," a dwarf & offered her a "puto," a rice cake which she happily accepted from a dwarf named Romeo, who was in love with my nanny. He got jealous when my nanny was fooling around with our driver & bit her on the the arm. I saw the mark with my own eyes - a black & blue bite mark of a 1 year old, only with complete set of teeth! My parents seeing this, they brought my nanny straight to the church. I couldn't even remember if our parish priest at that time really had the power to excorcise but when he was doing it, my nanny wouldn't say the Our Father & hold the rosary. Of course it was nothing like the movie Excorcist & after the prayers, my nanny eventually came back to normal - just like that, her eyes were awake & the eye bags were gone - she looked around & when she saw me, she said "Oh look, it's Makis..." I ran home like crazy & I was terrified. My nanny never slept in my room after that & I had to camp in my parent's room for months. My nanny & our driver are still married until now with 4 kids. Romeo, the dwarf lives in the tree at the corner of our shop's garden & my brother just told me that they made an offering to the tree. Whatever my nanny had, I think I'd pass for this kind of trip.

Knock before you enter

We were going to stay in a family friend's house in Ilocos Sur for our yearly family getaway. It is normally with my mother's best friends & their families which they called "The 41 Club," a card game they play every weekend. We just came back from the Malacanang of the North when my brother came running out of our room. He said that he was going to use the bathroom & he heard that the shower was on. Before entering, he tried to say hello while slowly pushing the door to see who it was. While wondering who it was when all of us just came back, the shower stopped & the door closed on his face. We all checked it out & the bathroom door is now locked but the shower is still on. Others tried to look on the window from the outside but there was nobody. The helpers of the house said that it was a woman ghost & every morning when they have their breakfast, they would hear the door open & shut & they would just greet her & invite her for breakfast. Well, ghosts still do need their privacy in the bathroom.

Don't sleep!

Back in 1994, my ex-boyfriend & I were invited to stay with our friend at their beach house in Matuod, Batangas. It was off-season so we had the whole beach for ourselves - the 3 of us, my dog, our helper & the concierge. We went to bed at around past 2 in the morning, sharing one room since we were an odd number & my friend already knows some stories. We were awakened by a bottlecap, literally bouncing on the pavement downstairs. We asked each other if we all heard it & tried to go back to sleep. We were surprised that the bottlecap now hit our window, as if somebody threw it & it stopped. This time, we were awakened by the warmth of the room because the fan was off - apparently, somebody was playing with the fan. We didn't really sleep well. Our helper told us that he also had a hard time sleeping because he kept on getting up to turn off the kitchen faucet & the toilet kept on flushing. What's strange is that my dog didn't bark even once for this unknown presence. Bothered ghosts bother.

Our Halloween Decor : Vidar

Happy Halloween everybody!!!

As usual, as it is the season where you don't know exactly what to wear, I rummaged through my closet realizing I don't have clothes for the "inbetween" seasons, which in turn made me running again to catch the train. Arriving the station, I was panting & already sweating like a pig - why did I even wear this sweater over a long sleeved blouse? The sun was beaming & people around me have removed their jackets. Autumn. The season I hate has started & it's going to last for six months. Can you actually get used to the cold? I only like the cold because you get to wear "porma" clothes only up to a point where putting on & removing about 8 layers of clothes in a day makes you want to stay warm at home. Since we live in the south, there's not a lot of those trees that turn red, orange & yellow that mark the fall season. Are the trees where you live start to have colors?

I had lunch at the Chinese resto by the prefecture & the server from Laos has now considered me a regular. One time we talked about the employees of the resto. I asked her if there were any Filipinos in their crew & she hesitated a bit before answering. As it turns out, they don't really hire Filipinos because they find them a little too lax & that they work a little carelessly. I really didn't know what to say since in one point, she was right & on the other hand, it seemed a low degree of discrimination - the crew is made up of Asians from Laos, Vietnam, Thailand (apparently no Chinese I know of). Not all Filipinos are lax & careless in the workplace. Here in Europe, they have names for each nationality, say frog legs for the French, and I wondered if we also have this in Asia - I do remember Chinese & Indian jokes though.

Wandering in the Centre Bourse & rue Saint Ferriol had me running for the metro this time. After about 10 minutes, I noticed that the metro still hasn't arrived & I asked the security why is this so. He told me that the metro will be passing after 40 minutes & pointing on the board that announces it before entering the station. As I understood, it was about opening line 2, etc. I have a rendez-vous with my OB in 10 minutes & I thought of starting my 45 minute walk to Prado. Why did I even wear this sweater over a long sleeved blouse? It was just after 25 minutes of walk that I saw another board by the metro that says " in the spirit of being on strike, line 1 will stop operation for 20 minutes & line 2 for 30 minutes." France & it's never-ending strikes. Why can't people go on strike for everybody's good, say being on strike by not buying gasoline for a day in a week to maybe call on lowering the price of gasoline? It is amazing what we can all do together.

Then in some street of my long walk, I was like warped back into time - I was suddenly in the middle of students - boys that sproinged from a 70's highschool yearbook somewhere in England - sneakers, khaki curduroy pants, plaid long sleeved polo shirts, brown or green V-neck sweaters topped with those shoulder-length wavey blond hair - you know, the typical English get-up. Man, it was really strange.

Arriving the clinic, it is jampacked by pregnant women, trying to get pregnant, husbands & boyfriends, routine check-ups, the air in the waiting room has become so stale. It's the usual ultrasound & I talked to my OB into giving me a prescription for an inhibin B blood test to check the quality of my eggs & she did together with another FSH & estrogen tests by adding " for your peace of mind." I am really now convinced that we are all not totally equal, but that's a story of its own. As I marched out of the clinic, the sun is gone, there's more wind - weather has now radically changed & it's cold - now, why didn't I bring my jacket?

Gare St. Charles - I have spent too much time here, the train is my car & the station my garage. In one area, people have been watching a girl with her cat on a leash. I don't know which is better - a leash or in a cage. Then the phone booth woman arrives in her usual yellow jacket, roaming the phone booths, trying each & every phone talking & complaining about something. Train stations.

In the train, a woman sat in front of me with her indian effect outfit & braided hair - she's probably around late 40's or 50ish - you'll really never know anyway - she started to tell me how people can leave the toilet's door open & letting the unsanitary smell out. She repeated it to the person on my right & we both realized how serious this is for her as she stood up & closed the door, now like a vulture watching the toilet door. Then she now tells me how unethical people are when they smoke in the station when it is clearly a non-smoking area - actually, only on the center waiting area where there are a lot of people - and she didn't stop ranting about it as I tried sulking hard in my book. She's the kind that likes to talk to people & apparently complain about the things around her. The kind I try to avoid on train rides & now that I don't smoke, I wonder if it's better to be in a smoking cabin or beside this woman. I can see in the side of my eye that she's looking at me & that she will grab the opportunity to speak if I just give her a glance. Getting off the train is always a happy thing.

And finally, I reach home sweet home. My purring cat, the silence & solitude - cataloging yet just another day.

For all those times you stood by me...for all the truth that you made me see...for all the joy you brought to my life - I didn't imagine that I will sing this song as a tribute, not for somebody but for something I grieved for 2 days - my buddy, the cigarettes. All it took me was a nice tuesday afternoon, a bitchy doctor & a great friend to quit cold turkey on my buddy the next day. I am now on my 9th day of nicotine free life & I have barely begun my long farewell to an old pal who literally - even in my most intimate moments - was always there for me.

Looking back, I still remember the people I was with & exactly where we were when I first came in close encounter with my buddy. Didn't leave me a good first impression & we found each other again after 2 to 3 years & then, we never let go of each other. My buddy & I hit it off when a local pack was at 7 pesos & the blue seal was at around 15 - as of November last year, a local pack is at 30 pesos & blue seal is at 70. Thinking about this, I realized that I wouldn't remember how it feels to be nicotine free - I was dependent of my buddy for almost half of my lifetime - so you can imagine the grieve I had to go through.

But it was just a matter of time that we will surely be separated - not by sickness or in death - but surely way before one of the two happens, or both. I am a whole package of an ideal target market - I drink with my buddy - a deadly combination. So it just naturally happened, like an angel touched me, I suddenly don't have taste for alcohol - well, except for a glass of kir for appero but my head starts spinning at that - and I truly get sentimental with San Miguel Beer commercials & believe in "iba ang may pinagsamahan" - my ultimate memories revolve around SMB with my buddy - so the blessing of letting go of the alcohol first truly helped me to quit my buddy.

It was really sudden like that wednesday was the right time & it was screaming at me . I told my buddy that he'd be the last. I tried to read on nicotine detox to be a little ready for a big divorce but the sensation for the next few days were unexplainable. I literally felt my blood circulating in my feet & arms - I felt so high, I cannot concentrate, it felt like I was flying - I was sobbing - no, crying convulsively as if somebody close in my heart have died - things were amplified tenfold & simple thoughts depressed me - it felt like I lost an arm or something. This went on for 2 days right after quitting & thanks to Kala, who stayed with me through e-mail (wasn't ready to speak but to type, yes) & allowed me to freak out. In the weekend, things have calmed down & I know that I wouldn't be alone.

Nicotine detox seem to be simple & easy but it is as serious as it can get - and it is a big thing for smokers. In France, quitting smoking is a national campaign - the pharmacist gave me her whole support & even told me that if ever I needed anything more, I could just come up to them. Quitting cold turkey for a long time smoker is not evident - so abrupt that I needed the help of cigarettes without tabacco & nicotine instead of the nicotine patches & candies - I needed it for the habit since my buddy have become such a big part of my life - this pack & some vitamins really helped big time.

9 days of nicotine free life - I still don't see the difference of how my body is healing itself - I still pant like crazy when I do a 50m jog to catch the train - I still feel a residue of being high in the mornings & I noticed eyebags of probably unconscious stress - and they said after 2 days, you can already feel a change. But no matter, I feel good - it's tough but I am happy I finally decided to do it - surprisingly, I sleep better (respiratory healing), my appetite improved (at times I just smoke when I'm hungry! also because I'm lazy to cook & eat alone) & I am more determined to get back to sports.

I would probably gain a little weight & be a little more touchy than usual - it's still a loooong haul till I really get over my buddy & our separation - but I love myself more than my buddy now - and my body deserves a good master - 9 days may be nothing yet but 9 days without nicotine for a long time smoker is like the 5 seconds a salmon jumps out of the water - quitting on my buddy can actually reward us a great getaway at the end of the year & probably more years to my life.

A small park by the Garonne River, Toulouse

After strolling around the center of Toulouse under a scourching hot sun, we decided to have a cold drink here with the students lounging by the grass & setting an ambiance with a great accoustic guitar jazz session. Toulouse is the capital of Aeronautics & one of the many university capitals of France. Life seems so simple looking at them. So many years ahead of them to build a future - a future that also holds the great unknown.

Lake Oredon, Haut Pyrenees

On our only day in the mountains, we had an ordinary mountain weather - big gray clouds, rain, thunder, sun, blue skies hiding behind patches of clouds - I was so humbled in front of nature.

Les Aigles d'Aure, Arreau

So humbled by nature, we went to see the birds of Aure. We were very impressed of these wild birds in captivity & they bewildered us with the art of flying. The flying spectacle is part of the visit where they release around 10 different birds - eagles, falcons, owls & a crow - to all hover around us at the same time. Being able to fly freely doesn't always mean freedom.

The Shying Vulture - The Great Hibu-hibu Owl & my favorite, The Crow

Les Laquettes, Pyrenees

Finally got on our hiking plan the next day & after an hour of trek, we reach this lake on top. I was amazed how I get the exact same silence covering my ears with my hands. A total zen. I wondered if I am capable to go back to basics.

Mini-falls down to Lake Oredon

Cité Medieval & Le Pont Vieux, Carcassonne at Night

It was difficult to go back to the city after the serenity of the mountains. Carcassonne though is full of history - France is a very old country - and it is home of the Cathars, the well sought after by the Romans during the Inquisition. I wondered if I'd survive the Medieval Age.

La Maison Hantée

This haunted house is found inside the Cité Medieval - and I had to include it here because it is the first haunted house that really scared the beejeesus out of me. It is not your normal little train ride around the darkness of the house & one of the crew will surprise you by grabbing your arm or screaming boo! to you. This one is equiped with new technology - more psychological & you don't get on the train - you walk in darkness while you wait for the creeping doors to open to get in a new room. The hitch is you have to be quick in going through the doors because it is automatic - the fear I had in getting stuck in a room! You are in complete darkness with creepy sounds & you wait & wait what will happen.

Inquisition et Instruments de Torture (jusqu'à la Révolution Française)

We ended our holiday with a little terror in our heads - we went to a museum of torture instruments used from around the 13th century until the 17th - there is a punishment for every imaginable thing from talkative women to bad musicians - it is truly horrifying yet interesting how it makes you wonder about Catholicism - the Inquisition. I've always thought that witches or heretics were only burned in the stake or decapitated- I was in for a big surprise - was I too dumb not to know this part of history where it was widely practiced in Europe? The drawing there on top is from the brochure of the museum which I scanned - I didn't want to be too graphic but to those who are not faint-hearted - I found this site where it shows not even half of the instruments of torture we saw in the museum - it really made me wonder of human nature & how we progressed as being naturally human.

Back to reality.

Shit happens.

It just does & it comes in varying degrees. It is likewise something within or beyond your control. There is an old saying that it comes in three - sometimes in a day - or in a series of days - until you decided to stop dwelling on the fear of what's going to fall on your head after - or that you won't consider it as shit but just something bound to happen. Just can't tell the difference.

It happenned in a series of days for us. The trigger was when our xbox broke. This was something within our control but it sucked anyway. Then we woke up the next morning without a cable. It has been a long time that it gets interrupted by our famous mistral but this day, there wasn't even a flatter of a leaf. The logical thing to do is to go up the roof to re-orient the satellite dish & we worked on it almost the whole afternoon - "I have a signal, wait, it's gone...there it is & gone again..." We weren't able to fix it & when we decided to quit for the day, our neighbor - an old woman of 92 years old - snooped around asking what we were doing. After explaining it to her that we were not installing a dish but were just fixing it to find the signal again, she told us that she'd go down to see her friend just a floor below hers. My frenchfry already felt that something else will fall on our heads.

The next morning, I saw our neighbor in the grocery & told me, "J'ai appellé l'ancienne locataire et effectivement c'est elle qui a installé la parabole par un professionel (I called the tenant before you & she did say that she had a professional install the dish)" I felt my ears getting warmer & I just simply told her point blank that we didn't lie - I cannot believe my ears - this same old woman I always helped bring her stuff, run errands for her & patiently listening to her 45 minute ranting & the rewinding stories of her days in Africa. I thought to myself that it might not be what it meant. Still with warm ears, I ran into another neighbor of ours - the same friend that our 92 year old neighbor went to see the other day - and she startled me with questions of the dish - that it was actually not allowed by le syndicat (a union for apartment owners) - that the tenant before us didn't ask permission - that the roof was just re-made & they paid a lot of money for it - in short, as if we don't care because we'd be gone someday & they would have to stay & live with this roof - duh - I was seeing black spots & actually coudn't express well in French when I am little nervous. When I got home, our 92 year old neighbor was in our apartment speaking to my frenchfry who was trying hard to remain respectful in spite of being on fire. Our satellite dish caused a scandal in our building. In the 4 years of living in this building, we never caused any trouble & we were always respectful & polite to everybody. My 92 year old neighbor jumped on the occassion & I got so disappointed - old people in France are dangerous.

Putting that aside, we looked forward for our holidays. We checked everything before leaving, we brought our cat to a cat pension house & off we went. As usual, after about 20km & thereafter, you remember the things you have forgotten but with no real importance - say, an umbrella. I was grovelling about leaving our cat in the pension that I forgot something actually important - just 40km away to our first destination - our cheques vacances (like traveller's check given by frenchfy's company) - it's worth 2 & a half nights in a hotel for free. False departure, as they say in French - and we went back home & had to stay for the night. At least I also had to chance to bring the other forgotten stuff of no importance.

The next day, we were off again but I was stressed - afraid of shit happening again. We changed our plans & went straight to Toulouse. While parking, frenchfry didn't see the white thin pole acting as foundation & he crashed on it breaking our car's right break light. We slightly fixed the damage (elastic cars!) & to hopefully just pay for the break light. I guess I was not stressed alone.

Fortunately, with our visit to a friend in Toulouse, it seemed that it broke the chain of mishap. Reaching the Pyrenees was great the next day & we are finally enjoying our holidays without stress. Just that the only day of our stay in the mountains, we woke up with the rain & thunder. We thought that if we went higher on the mountain, it would be clearer & we can get on our plan of hiking. Well, we pushed it too hard, we were soaking wet with just a tiny umbrella that can actually attract lightning - I forgot our rain jackets even the second time we went back home. The next morning of our departure, we woke up with a big sun & not a single cloud. So we did hike in the morning & went to our next destination just after our hike.

From there & reaching home, everything have calmed down & we got home with no other major shit happened. I ran into my 92 year old neighbor this morning - without a smile on my face - she asked me the "progress" of our satellite dish. I bluntly told her that we'll just let it go for the peace of the building & showed her that's the end of the conversation - but of course we won't let go of the satellite dish.

Yup, shit happens & sometimes it's the same shit, just a different day.

In your life, you probably have moments so potent that it becomes your landscape - a succession of pictures, each one revealing a part of you - a panorama of the person that you have become. In my life, my friends are a big part of my landscape. There are so many moments that still seem like yesterday. These are the moments of multiple attempts in finding our own space in the world by experimenting the details of life together - while we slowly discovered the person that we are & where some of our convictions were shaped.

There's nothing like girl friendship when you're 8 years old. But nothing will compare to friends who grew up together between the playground swings, the pimples & braces, the petty crushes, the bull sessions, the college days of fun & work, the boyfriends, the breaking up & a renewed pink vision of life, building a career, new friends along the way, the weddings, children & all the shebang of growing old & adulthood.

These days, it is uncommon to find friends that go all the way back to grade school & managed to stay together even when juggling the demands of work, family & motherhood simply just takes most of your time. But in true friendships that flourished through time & the many trials of life, there is a silent understanding - almost unnoticed - that in growing up, things can never remain the same. We change by not changing at all.

My friends & I are the kind of buddies where we were like fishes in a big aquarium that never bump into each other but we know that we're all there during grade school. Then there was a quiet sort of regrouping in high

school where you actually bump into the people who actually wants to venture in the same kind of goofy stuff we normally want to do in our short teenage years. We were crazy but we were responsible teenagers who never experienced failing grades (low but not failing for me) & parents invited by the principal. High school is the best time of our life because everything is simply justifiable. Different schools during college just felt like we were all in different aquariums. We evidently met new friends & the circle got bigger & bigger. We used to visit each other's colleges & we kept in close contact. Already at this time, the moments we've shared must have proven to be a profound friendship for each one of us.

After the years of schooling & goofing around, comes the real world - a world bigger than us - bigger than our own little world. A ticket to freedom & responsibility. We still hang out with each other having more out of town trips when we were not in the "bilog," a cul-de-sac of a friend's house where we come to meet even without plans or phonecalls & invitations. But after, we simply get caught with the real world & real issues we naturally have to go through alone, each on the path one eventually chose. It is like the moment when you followed together the decade of the new wave, then into rock, into grunge & in the end, you have decided to stop following the charts & choose the kind of music you really like.

I have seen my friends change from girls to women. From being crazy to being a wife & a mother. I have seen a part of their success in the life they chose. But adulthood, the choices we make & moving on comes with change. Amidst our little corners, the drifting apart & falling out, with the very few moments we touch base with each other, we still see the pictures - the panorama. We can still see it in our eyes & say, "Hey, I know you. We've seen each other grow!" You are all still - and will be - the person that they have always come to know so long ago. And sometimes - in a random moment - you just pick up where you left off.

I miss you guys. I promise when we visit next time, I hope I'll still have the chance to make it up to you & finally free myself of guilt. Especially to the two of them whom I had a big falling out.

I am subscribed to ebalita where I receive daily Philippine news on my e-mail to keep me slightly updated on what's going on in our country (& where I haven't sent any single donation to help maintain the site). Slightly because I seldom read the real issues on politics (normally leaning on the bad news) & there's this one article that I found interesting on last week's updates. The Filipinos ranked no. 6 on the world's happiest people!

According to a recent poll covering 50 countries from World Values Survey, the Filipinos are in the top ten world's happiest people & the happiest Asians. Top on the poll is Venezuela, followed by Nigeria, Ireland, Iceland, Netherlands, Philippines ranking 6th, Australia, USA, Turkey & Switzerland. Read more here on the article "Are we the happiest?"

It didn't really make me wonder so much but found it a little surprising. Despite of the whirlwind of crisis the Philippines is now facing, the study shows that "Filipinos are very happy about their lifestyle." When I really thought about it, it is amazingly true that the Philippines, although sourrounded with poverty, a political mess & an economy constantly on the edge, the Filipinos still do remain happy people. Naturally, we still feel a heavy atmosphere of struggle but it seems that it does not get in the way of their being happy & a smile always forming on their lips. Then, I thought of the things that personally made me a happy Filipino.

For one thing, Filipinos are very spiritual by nature & I strongly believe that this spirituality is one of the

many reasons that keeps the burden lighter in our day to day living. There is that faith of knowing that there is somebody bigger out there & it saves us the stress of trying to control everything. This same faith that results to optimism & gratitude for what we have. I noticed that there are a few religious people here in France, and even fewer in spirituality. Somehow, it go figures why a lot of them are stressed & unsatisfied. Not that I have to convince them to join the spiritual club, but it is probably the stress of controlling everything & being unhappy when they can't.

Another thing that triggers happiness to Filipinos would be the circle of family & friends. They are our support group. Just knowing that we are not alone already eases the burden. We are so family oriented that having them is one of our greatest teasures. And what about friends to help you forget for one moment the harsh realities of life? To enjoy a hard day's work (or maybe not so hard) with a drink on a mid-week break while we let the traffic pass?

And there's also culture. Our bahala na si batman is one attitude that really stands out. It is good & bad at the same time because professionally, it's a little difficult to work with somebody having this attitude but it is something that also doesn't get in the way of living. We pounce to circumstances with this attitude to just get over something, or because we just really don't know what to do and apparently, we always do have fun along the way. But are Filipinos always responsible for the outcome of this risky attitude? Of course! They have an innate ability to always worm they way out of anything. All Saint's Day can be one of the portaits of Filipino's relation to life: a day to celebrate living.

But in the end, there's acceptance. Acceptance that is more on hopelessness. With the rate the Philippines is going, how accurate is this survey? A country where the middle class has disappeared & the rich gets richer, the poor gets poorer, consistently being corrupted by government officials, terrorists threatening one of our biggest profits on foreign investments & tourism, increasing unemployment rate & where the salary never compliments the increasing standard of living. Where there are more & more Filipinos striving to get out of the country which apparently turned out to be now one of our country's biggest profit.

Are Filipinos really happy? In the Philippines, happiness is relative & subjective.

Learning French is one of the few things I am proud of because I wouldn't have learned it by choice. Now that I speak almost 4 languages, there are a couple of setbacks & the tip of your tonque have probably accumulated words a quarter of the dictionary. The thing with speaking more than two languages is not only that our adult brains are much harder to crack, we tend to misplace words that at times, it takes a lot of effort to jar them. You end up more confused than a 3 year old learning to talk.

I speak Tagalog quite well although I cannot complete a sentence without an English word & sadly, I speak only one of the 8 major dialects. There are only a few Filipinos who can speak our national language well, meaning making a phrase without an English or Spanish term. It's possibility might be doubtful but our language couldn't be just a mixture of Spanish & English. *Did you know that we have 175 known dialects of which 171 are living & 4 are extinct?*

My English improved through the years of practice & because it is the medium of communication at school & at work. If I'm not mistaken, I quite remember not having any Filipino Grammar classes after grade school. It is only Filipino History during high school & college where discussions are in English. It really is saddening that our national language is being slowly replaced by English, leaving us with just a crooked Filipino language. I just cannot complete a sentence without an English word simply because I do not know the Filipino term of a lot of words.

My French is improving even with habits that are hard to break & with the charm of a particular accent. It is in learning French that I always find myself ransacking my brains out for a word in Filipino & even in English. My memory hole has gone deeper & deeper! Is it because I am simply getting older, or is it because I don't put more effort & careful attention in filing all this new information? Learning basic Italian during my training is a complete head banger. Not only that I am still in the middle of learning French, I was mixing Italian & Spanish words as well. A Latin language party! I clearly remember having a "brain shut down" during a whole day of pure French & even in those 3 hour (3 hours!!!) Italian classes. My brains just wouldn't work anymore & I just blurt out Filipino or English words without even noticing it. At times, my sentences are mixed with English, French & Tagalog that doesn't make sense at all. And most of the time, I have more "uh" than words on my sentences just trying to think, "what's that word again?"

You are not only challenged with your vocabulary in speaking a new language. You also discover that your other languages have deteriorated. Not that you have completely forgotten them, maybe it's just to make a little room for the new one. I just realized that I was writing & expressing myself better in English before I learned French, and I forget more Tagalog words now when I am around Filipino friends. Remembering a word is like playing Wheel of Fortune, "Is there a letter B?"

Juggling more than 2 languages in your everyday living is an unconscious effort. It may be more confusing to continually use all of them in one day but the only way to correct & improve your spoken languages is to keep on practicing. It works well for me to speak English at home, Tagalog with my Filipino friends & the rest in French. I appreciate our national language more than ever & forgetting words from time to time actually gives us the chance to get back on the dictionary & maybe learn a new word on the way. Be sure to always put your thinking cap on!

Aside from having the courage to pack my bags & move to France, I also gathered all my power to get on that plane. I don't like flying (but in dreams where I fly is heavenly) in fact, I am terrified of flying. But even after a couple of dry runs of flights from Kalibo & Camiguin to Manila, taking a flight out of the country is just not the same, is it? Well there's the issue of the fear of flying & leaving home for good, but the airports, the big international airports! A sea of different walks of life, the immigration & the customs!

I went with a friend to accompany her to the airport of Nimes yesterday & we got into a discussion on the different airports we have crossed so far. Of course we had so many things to say about NAIA, our own Ninoy Aquino International Airport in Manila. It is not because I have seen how other airports operate that I can just criticize our very own, but that's just it, I have seen others that allowed me to make an observation, a comparison on how chaotic NAIA can be.

Flying back to Manila is easy. Marignan airport is a middle-sized international airport. It is very clean, organized, complete with shops for last minute shopping & necessities. Checking-in & boarding is no hassle at all. They even let us get away with a 5 kilo excess on our luggage. It's so organized that it's just like getting into your car. Unless you have a problem with some of your papers, or unfortunately a problem with your flight. The wait in Schiphol airport in Amsterdam for our connecting flight to Manila was a breeze.

Then after the long cross of the blue ocean, you arrive Manila airport. Still a little too far for international standards but it doesn't matter for now. The smell of home, the sun & the warm weather catches your attention. You are just too excited to find the person assigned to take you to your true home that you don't notice you passed immigration & customs already, and you are now under the letter where you're supposed to wait. NAIA made a lot of progress by enforcing discipline that made arriving less stressful. We didn't experience people who offer to carry, or actually push your cart for a small amount, the taxi drivers that will smother you as soon as you exit, and the sea of greeters that makes it impossible to find yours. It's quite pleasant now especially after a 14 hour flight. I'd still consider it an improvement to move this chaos just outside the airport's vicinity because it still is the same as soon as you leave the airport's protection & that's where the riot starts.

Arriving is a breeze but departure is disappointing, a lot of time wasted & just plain disorganized. We spent a lot of time waiting in line or running back & forth. We first went through the passport & security check which was no problem at all. Then we went straight to the check-in counter who told us to first weigh our luggage found in the middle, just after the security check. We didn't notice it & didn't know since they normally weigh your lugagge in check-in. We had an excess of 8 kilos equivalent to 150$ (culprit: 2-3 kilos of those beautiful ripe mangoes) & we spent maybe half an hour trying to lose the extra kilos. We were getting a little pissed when they still wouldn't give us the 4 kilo excess. Christmas was approaching & we thought maybe they were waiting for a "gift." Finally, the other woman let us go even without a gift. I admit that it was made to avoid lugagge like ours. Back to the check-in counter who again told me to pay I don't even remember what's it for, a processing fee, heck maybe a travel tax which I'm supposed to be exempted from, on the other side of the room by the entrance. Finally over checking-in, another queue for the airport tax, then another one for the hand carry x-ray & body search which was the longest since there was only one machine & inspector for all the passengers. When it was all finally over & headed to our gate, we were exhausted, nervous & a little late.

I heard that the Mactan International Airport in Cebu is far more better than NAIA & that Manila airport is considered as the worse airport in all of it's neighboring countries in SEA. An American military base transformed into an airport is a questionable architecture. The comfort rooms are near disgusting. Air ventilation like airconditioning is bad. It lacks appropriate signs. Waiting is boring since you have nothing else around. The system is still quite ineffective that causes too much queue. Payments should all be done in one place to avoid running back & forth, plainly having an effective sequence of checking-in & boarding. It needs more counters & at least 2 x-ray machines for all baggage check per flight. It just plainly needs more organization. It's not only to make your arrival & departure comfortable especially for long flights but it is an international airport, the first & last impression you'll have of a country.

I likewise heard that Terminal 2 is already better & Terminal 3 is really a progress that could redeem Terminal 1 although it is not yet open. And they should as soon as they can because they should just give up on Terminal 1 & truly give the people a transformed airport & service.

I don't even know why I was so afraid of flying. It is indispensable for me now. I am now more afraid of the immigration & customs, and terrorism. But I am still excited to see new airports where people come & go. The hellos & good byes and the thought of new places & people. The hub where people around the world gather for a moment.

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