The only time I ever moved was 11 years ago when I married my husband & definitely left home for France. My family moved a lot before I was born & when they had me, they finally settled in one place. So, you can say that I have never really experienced the heartbreak of leaving a best friend, or having to change schools and make new friends (I went to school with the same kids for 12 years). In my 11 years of France, we already moved three times.
Finding your house is also about the place & the neighborhood you are likewise moving into. I ignored the significance of a neighborhood having to live in one place for 28 years & realized the void from a lack of it in 11 years. My parents became really good friends with our neighbors of forever. A little like Wisteria Lane but a lot less of the drama. I played with the kids of our block. We used to have the yearly summer block outings & the New Year Block Party where each generation gets a chance to organize it. I always looked forward to it until of course I reached a certain age where hanging out with your parents & neighbors on New Year's is not cool at all. I got to organize a couple of block parties right before it just disappeared, when everybody just felt old for it. These days you can surely count on my neighborhood for group prayers & vigils if you need one.
Although we are not Mr & Mrs Friendship, we are courteous & polite and we have always respected the people we live with. Especially when you all live in one building. Even if all I remember in our Paris building is the creaking sound of our upstairs neighbor's bed together with a woman's uncontrollable moaning, or all our old neighbors who always took the chance to let us know that they don't really like young people in our building in Carry le Rouet, I have good memories of the places we called home & made good friends. Except, they were not really my neighbors.
So much for block parties. Not that I would want to organize one here. The French neighborhood is such a mystery. A silent decorum like anywhere except here, there is almost a sign post in every house that says "Private, disturb just a little". Our Paris building always seemed so void & the one in Carry le Rouet, half of the tenants were seniors. You'll be sure to give a minimum of half an hour when you cross one in the hall. I've carried all their groceries up the stairs & had tea with one of them . I even crawled the wall to open an accidental lock out. Those & despite the disputes of probably living together long enough in one building, it never went over the bumped into chitchat & heroic errands.
My current neighbors have all those sign posts. Although when we moved in, I tried to connect more with them & have a good relationship now that we're sure to be staying here for a long time. But there's always like an invicible wall, or it's like a game of yoyo. One neighbor just disappeared when they asked us to watch their house while they were gone & in return would invite us for dinner. Another invited us for appero for the Fete de Voisins & I never bump into her anymore. One of them would only say hello to me when we're in front of our houses & if not, she won't even budge nor look at me. But there's the young couple we seem to be connecting with but only at a certain distance. Then there's my widowed & retired Swedish neighbor who we connected with instantly because of our foreign status.
Maybe the sign post came with our house, or we're not really likeable people but I noticed that my French neighbors really allow us to disturb them just a little bit. They really don't want you to get the wrong idea. "I invited you only for tea & not to be friends in that way. Just for someone to watch over my house in case I'm gone..." Personal or cultural, France has a problem with solitude. As of 2010, there are about 4 million people facing solitude & isolation in the country* It does not only comprise of the senior citizens but also between the ages of 35-49, even in big cities*. And somehow, I feel this solitude as a result of this privacy even in my own neighborhood.
We have yet to invite some of our neighbors for tea. Not just for someone to look over our house when we're not here but to again attempt to make a little more opening. It might not really happen but I sure do hope I can knock on their doors for salt (might also not happen). Even if I'm okay with my neighborhood's ambiance, I wouldn't ever want nosy neighbors with stories to tell anyway, there is such as a thing as luck when it comes to your neighbors.
*Les Solitudes en France en 2010
*Le Figaro, December 12, 2010
Finding your house is also about the place & the neighborhood you are likewise moving into. I ignored the significance of a neighborhood having to live in one place for 28 years & realized the void from a lack of it in 11 years. My parents became really good friends with our neighbors of forever. A little like Wisteria Lane but a lot less of the drama. I played with the kids of our block. We used to have the yearly summer block outings & the New Year Block Party where each generation gets a chance to organize it. I always looked forward to it until of course I reached a certain age where hanging out with your parents & neighbors on New Year's is not cool at all. I got to organize a couple of block parties right before it just disappeared, when everybody just felt old for it. These days you can surely count on my neighborhood for group prayers & vigils if you need one.
Although we are not Mr & Mrs Friendship, we are courteous & polite and we have always respected the people we live with. Especially when you all live in one building. Even if all I remember in our Paris building is the creaking sound of our upstairs neighbor's bed together with a woman's uncontrollable moaning, or all our old neighbors who always took the chance to let us know that they don't really like young people in our building in Carry le Rouet, I have good memories of the places we called home & made good friends. Except, they were not really my neighbors.
So much for block parties. Not that I would want to organize one here. The French neighborhood is such a mystery. A silent decorum like anywhere except here, there is almost a sign post in every house that says "Private, disturb just a little". Our Paris building always seemed so void & the one in Carry le Rouet, half of the tenants were seniors. You'll be sure to give a minimum of half an hour when you cross one in the hall. I've carried all their groceries up the stairs & had tea with one of them . I even crawled the wall to open an accidental lock out. Those & despite the disputes of probably living together long enough in one building, it never went over the bumped into chitchat & heroic errands.
My current neighbors have all those sign posts. Although when we moved in, I tried to connect more with them & have a good relationship now that we're sure to be staying here for a long time. But there's always like an invicible wall, or it's like a game of yoyo. One neighbor just disappeared when they asked us to watch their house while they were gone & in return would invite us for dinner. Another invited us for appero for the Fete de Voisins & I never bump into her anymore. One of them would only say hello to me when we're in front of our houses & if not, she won't even budge nor look at me. But there's the young couple we seem to be connecting with but only at a certain distance. Then there's my widowed & retired Swedish neighbor who we connected with instantly because of our foreign status.
Maybe the sign post came with our house, or we're not really likeable people but I noticed that my French neighbors really allow us to disturb them just a little bit. They really don't want you to get the wrong idea. "I invited you only for tea & not to be friends in that way. Just for someone to watch over my house in case I'm gone..." Personal or cultural, France has a problem with solitude. As of 2010, there are about 4 million people facing solitude & isolation in the country* It does not only comprise of the senior citizens but also between the ages of 35-49, even in big cities*. And somehow, I feel this solitude as a result of this privacy even in my own neighborhood.
We have yet to invite some of our neighbors for tea. Not just for someone to look over our house when we're not here but to again attempt to make a little more opening. It might not really happen but I sure do hope I can knock on their doors for salt (might also not happen). Even if I'm okay with my neighborhood's ambiance, I wouldn't ever want nosy neighbors with stories to tell anyway, there is such as a thing as luck when it comes to your neighbors.
*Les Solitudes en France en 2010
*Le Figaro, December 12, 2010
