Archive for September 2005

For all those times you stood by me...for all the truth that you made me see...for all the joy you brought to my life - I didn't imagine that I will sing this song as a tribute, not for somebody but for something I grieved for 2 days - my buddy, the cigarettes. All it took me was a nice tuesday afternoon, a bitchy doctor & a great friend to quit cold turkey on my buddy the next day. I am now on my 9th day of nicotine free life & I have barely begun my long farewell to an old pal who literally - even in my most intimate moments - was always there for me.

Looking back, I still remember the people I was with & exactly where we were when I first came in close encounter with my buddy. Didn't leave me a good first impression & we found each other again after 2 to 3 years & then, we never let go of each other. My buddy & I hit it off when a local pack was at 7 pesos & the blue seal was at around 15 - as of November last year, a local pack is at 30 pesos & blue seal is at 70. Thinking about this, I realized that I wouldn't remember how it feels to be nicotine free - I was dependent of my buddy for almost half of my lifetime - so you can imagine the grieve I had to go through.

But it was just a matter of time that we will surely be separated - not by sickness or in death - but surely way before one of the two happens, or both. I am a whole package of an ideal target market - I drink with my buddy - a deadly combination. So it just naturally happened, like an angel touched me, I suddenly don't have taste for alcohol - well, except for a glass of kir for appero but my head starts spinning at that - and I truly get sentimental with San Miguel Beer commercials & believe in "iba ang may pinagsamahan" - my ultimate memories revolve around SMB with my buddy - so the blessing of letting go of the alcohol first truly helped me to quit my buddy.

It was really sudden like that wednesday was the right time & it was screaming at me . I told my buddy that he'd be the last. I tried to read on nicotine detox to be a little ready for a big divorce but the sensation for the next few days were unexplainable. I literally felt my blood circulating in my feet & arms - I felt so high, I cannot concentrate, it felt like I was flying - I was sobbing - no, crying convulsively as if somebody close in my heart have died - things were amplified tenfold & simple thoughts depressed me - it felt like I lost an arm or something. This went on for 2 days right after quitting & thanks to Kala, who stayed with me through e-mail (wasn't ready to speak but to type, yes) & allowed me to freak out. In the weekend, things have calmed down & I know that I wouldn't be alone.

Nicotine detox seem to be simple & easy but it is as serious as it can get - and it is a big thing for smokers. In France, quitting smoking is a national campaign - the pharmacist gave me her whole support & even told me that if ever I needed anything more, I could just come up to them. Quitting cold turkey for a long time smoker is not evident - so abrupt that I needed the help of cigarettes without tabacco & nicotine instead of the nicotine patches & candies - I needed it for the habit since my buddy have become such a big part of my life - this pack & some vitamins really helped big time.

9 days of nicotine free life - I still don't see the difference of how my body is healing itself - I still pant like crazy when I do a 50m jog to catch the train - I still feel a residue of being high in the mornings & I noticed eyebags of probably unconscious stress - and they said after 2 days, you can already feel a change. But no matter, I feel good - it's tough but I am happy I finally decided to do it - surprisingly, I sleep better (respiratory healing), my appetite improved (at times I just smoke when I'm hungry! also because I'm lazy to cook & eat alone) & I am more determined to get back to sports.

I would probably gain a little weight & be a little more touchy than usual - it's still a loooong haul till I really get over my buddy & our separation - but I love myself more than my buddy now - and my body deserves a good master - 9 days may be nothing yet but 9 days without nicotine for a long time smoker is like the 5 seconds a salmon jumps out of the water - quitting on my buddy can actually reward us a great getaway at the end of the year & probably more years to my life.

A small park by the Garonne River, Toulouse

After strolling around the center of Toulouse under a scourching hot sun, we decided to have a cold drink here with the students lounging by the grass & setting an ambiance with a great accoustic guitar jazz session. Toulouse is the capital of Aeronautics & one of the many university capitals of France. Life seems so simple looking at them. So many years ahead of them to build a future - a future that also holds the great unknown.

Lake Oredon, Haut Pyrenees

On our only day in the mountains, we had an ordinary mountain weather - big gray clouds, rain, thunder, sun, blue skies hiding behind patches of clouds - I was so humbled in front of nature.

Les Aigles d'Aure, Arreau

So humbled by nature, we went to see the birds of Aure. We were very impressed of these wild birds in captivity & they bewildered us with the art of flying. The flying spectacle is part of the visit where they release around 10 different birds - eagles, falcons, owls & a crow - to all hover around us at the same time. Being able to fly freely doesn't always mean freedom.

The Shying Vulture - The Great Hibu-hibu Owl & my favorite, The Crow

Les Laquettes, Pyrenees

Finally got on our hiking plan the next day & after an hour of trek, we reach this lake on top. I was amazed how I get the exact same silence covering my ears with my hands. A total zen. I wondered if I am capable to go back to basics.

Mini-falls down to Lake Oredon

Cité Medieval & Le Pont Vieux, Carcassonne at Night

It was difficult to go back to the city after the serenity of the mountains. Carcassonne though is full of history - France is a very old country - and it is home of the Cathars, the well sought after by the Romans during the Inquisition. I wondered if I'd survive the Medieval Age.

La Maison Hantée

This haunted house is found inside the Cité Medieval - and I had to include it here because it is the first haunted house that really scared the beejeesus out of me. It is not your normal little train ride around the darkness of the house & one of the crew will surprise you by grabbing your arm or screaming boo! to you. This one is equiped with new technology - more psychological & you don't get on the train - you walk in darkness while you wait for the creeping doors to open to get in a new room. The hitch is you have to be quick in going through the doors because it is automatic - the fear I had in getting stuck in a room! You are in complete darkness with creepy sounds & you wait & wait what will happen.

Inquisition et Instruments de Torture (jusqu'à la Révolution Française)

We ended our holiday with a little terror in our heads - we went to a museum of torture instruments used from around the 13th century until the 17th - there is a punishment for every imaginable thing from talkative women to bad musicians - it is truly horrifying yet interesting how it makes you wonder about Catholicism - the Inquisition. I've always thought that witches or heretics were only burned in the stake or decapitated- I was in for a big surprise - was I too dumb not to know this part of history where it was widely practiced in Europe? The drawing there on top is from the brochure of the museum which I scanned - I didn't want to be too graphic but to those who are not faint-hearted - I found this site where it shows not even half of the instruments of torture we saw in the museum - it really made me wonder of human nature & how we progressed as being naturally human.

Back to reality.

Shit happens.

It just does & it comes in varying degrees. It is likewise something within or beyond your control. There is an old saying that it comes in three - sometimes in a day - or in a series of days - until you decided to stop dwelling on the fear of what's going to fall on your head after - or that you won't consider it as shit but just something bound to happen. Just can't tell the difference.

It happenned in a series of days for us. The trigger was when our xbox broke. This was something within our control but it sucked anyway. Then we woke up the next morning without a cable. It has been a long time that it gets interrupted by our famous mistral but this day, there wasn't even a flatter of a leaf. The logical thing to do is to go up the roof to re-orient the satellite dish & we worked on it almost the whole afternoon - "I have a signal, wait, it's gone...there it is & gone again..." We weren't able to fix it & when we decided to quit for the day, our neighbor - an old woman of 92 years old - snooped around asking what we were doing. After explaining it to her that we were not installing a dish but were just fixing it to find the signal again, she told us that she'd go down to see her friend just a floor below hers. My frenchfry already felt that something else will fall on our heads.

The next morning, I saw our neighbor in the grocery & told me, "J'ai appellé l'ancienne locataire et effectivement c'est elle qui a installé la parabole par un professionel (I called the tenant before you & she did say that she had a professional install the dish)" I felt my ears getting warmer & I just simply told her point blank that we didn't lie - I cannot believe my ears - this same old woman I always helped bring her stuff, run errands for her & patiently listening to her 45 minute ranting & the rewinding stories of her days in Africa. I thought to myself that it might not be what it meant. Still with warm ears, I ran into another neighbor of ours - the same friend that our 92 year old neighbor went to see the other day - and she startled me with questions of the dish - that it was actually not allowed by le syndicat (a union for apartment owners) - that the tenant before us didn't ask permission - that the roof was just re-made & they paid a lot of money for it - in short, as if we don't care because we'd be gone someday & they would have to stay & live with this roof - duh - I was seeing black spots & actually coudn't express well in French when I am little nervous. When I got home, our 92 year old neighbor was in our apartment speaking to my frenchfry who was trying hard to remain respectful in spite of being on fire. Our satellite dish caused a scandal in our building. In the 4 years of living in this building, we never caused any trouble & we were always respectful & polite to everybody. My 92 year old neighbor jumped on the occassion & I got so disappointed - old people in France are dangerous.

Putting that aside, we looked forward for our holidays. We checked everything before leaving, we brought our cat to a cat pension house & off we went. As usual, after about 20km & thereafter, you remember the things you have forgotten but with no real importance - say, an umbrella. I was grovelling about leaving our cat in the pension that I forgot something actually important - just 40km away to our first destination - our cheques vacances (like traveller's check given by frenchfy's company) - it's worth 2 & a half nights in a hotel for free. False departure, as they say in French - and we went back home & had to stay for the night. At least I also had to chance to bring the other forgotten stuff of no importance.

The next day, we were off again but I was stressed - afraid of shit happening again. We changed our plans & went straight to Toulouse. While parking, frenchfry didn't see the white thin pole acting as foundation & he crashed on it breaking our car's right break light. We slightly fixed the damage (elastic cars!) & to hopefully just pay for the break light. I guess I was not stressed alone.

Fortunately, with our visit to a friend in Toulouse, it seemed that it broke the chain of mishap. Reaching the Pyrenees was great the next day & we are finally enjoying our holidays without stress. Just that the only day of our stay in the mountains, we woke up with the rain & thunder. We thought that if we went higher on the mountain, it would be clearer & we can get on our plan of hiking. Well, we pushed it too hard, we were soaking wet with just a tiny umbrella that can actually attract lightning - I forgot our rain jackets even the second time we went back home. The next morning of our departure, we woke up with a big sun & not a single cloud. So we did hike in the morning & went to our next destination just after our hike.

From there & reaching home, everything have calmed down & we got home with no other major shit happened. I ran into my 92 year old neighbor this morning - without a smile on my face - she asked me the "progress" of our satellite dish. I bluntly told her that we'll just let it go for the peace of the building & showed her that's the end of the conversation - but of course we won't let go of the satellite dish.

Yup, shit happens & sometimes it's the same shit, just a different day.

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