a relative world


Forest walk with 2 elephants, Luang Prabang

The Aftermath. So much excitement happening as the society was unleashed back to the world after the pandemic two years ago. And just like that, all seemed right in the planet again. First stop out of our little bubble, a trip to Dubai. Long awaited visits to families & friends in Manila and France. A wonderful Golden Year celebration in Laos. While the world is slowly emerging, it was the best time for reunions and travel. A time which cannot be replicated anymore again.

What a Kilometer Makes. It has been over a year since we moved to our new place, just about 1.5km from the old one, but it already made a significant difference in our state of mind. The 3kg I lost from the move was totally worth it. What with an amazing rooftop from where we can see the stars again. A living area with so much sunlight. Singapore have experienced a hard surge of rental rates just when most are recovering from the economic fallout. Some have to downsize, move to less central areas, or leave. Luckily for us, it was a wonderful blessing.

Overtourism, Senso-Ji Temple, Tokyo

World Records. On the news in France, it says the temperatures are "les plus chaudes jamais enregistrées," which was the case a year ago, and for just last week. Looking back to the past couple of years, the news are littered with the worst-ever recorded phenomenons, and breaking numbers with our society. Staggering pandemic profit for shareholders. No pause on wars. Skyrocket prices on life's essentials. Astonishing record on air travel surpassing pre-pandemic times. Over tourism in post pandemic world. A world that almost saw the end of it, but survived and now it goes like there is no tomorrow. Just a tiny glimpse on how earth repaired itself when for a moment the world stood still. And it was beautiful.

Social Media Absence. It has been about 3 years I just stopped being active on the only social media platform I have. It has such a positive impact. As if it's a different world. Finally seeing more details and not only on "content worthy" vision. Taking in more of your senses and actually just being there. On a recent trip to Japan, walking in Tokyo I saw a wonderful view of old wooden houses on a small street void of people and quietly took a photo. A young woman who seems to be in a hurry, stood beside me and just started snapping the same shot before she darted off again. She will then examine her photos and probably wonder what the hell this photo is before finally deleting it.

Community. Our helper started the year with a broken leg falling from a mango tree. Hospitalization and surgery bills, and in a household with one helper taking care of an 87 year old is somewhat a disaster. But a heartwarming show of community in our small village reminded me that "bayanihan", that sense of community helping each other, still exists. Our helper's friends hospital visits and help for administration needs. Neighbors sending food, helpers doing market errands and chores, until this day, 5 months after the accident. To express our gratitude to all the neighborhood helpers who extended their assistance, we invited them for a meal gathering. It was not a fiesta but with our heartfelt acknowledgement gave them happiness, and laughter around the table. It takes decades to be a part of a community, which probably is impossible now to find. But if we try to extend a hand first, maybe, just maybe it will grow to a society we desperately need.

Fire trees, our somewhat version of cherry blossoms in Manila

Children Suffer Too. We have always made it a point to visit our ageing parents as much as we can. Doing a proper holiday to somewhere new once a year, and the rest go to seeing them more. And every single visit is becoming more & more difficult, leaving them behind, even just for a couple of months to yet see them again. That happiness and sadness in their eyes. It is always said how hard it is for parents to see their children go, but nobody wonders about how it is as painful for children to leave. There should be a handbook for this.

Novid No More. After dodging covid for 4 years, my immunity finally succumbed. Only halfway through the year, we have welcomed visitors more than we did in the past years combined. A file with three or four plane e-tickets at the same time. So much for carbon footprints and tourism pollution this year. It's not surprising my body finally sends a signal to rest. It took 6 sets of friends & family to visit, 130km of walking in Japan in 10 days, low quality sleep, extreme weather changes, a trip to Manila, and low-grade stress. So I find myself here, still testing positive on day 10. Even if I am perfectly fine and with no symptoms for now 7 days. Thank you, my body! Imagine the horror of catching it early in the pandemic. But it's likewise no walk in the park even after 4 years. There are no protocol in place anymore. Nobody can still really say until when you are infectious. While still waiting for a negative test in isolation, I was told to take it like a common flu. And all we have is social responsibility from a disease that scarred us with fear. But who really cares now?

Eurockéennes de Belfort, 2005
A 3 day music festival of more than 50 bands of different genres,
attended by a crowd of a thousands from all over & of all ages.
There was a time when at the end of the festival, a guy was walking
around gently hugging random people he came across, clearly
sad it was over but definitely grateful for the gift of music.

"I will be in Manila soon, come home so we can catch up!" My best friend happily told me the other day. In another life, I would have been excited, planned a date, bought plane tickets, and flown to the motherland in a heartbeat. But I have to sit this one out and asked her to say hello to everybody for me.

Another friend sent us a message informing us of her low grade fever and sore throat. "I saw you 3 days ago, so just wanted you to know." In another life, we wouldn't care much and bid our well wishes to get better soon. A younger version of me would even have loved to catch the flu so I could stay home and watch Sesame Street. But this time, we crossed our fingers and toes, canceled plans before she gets her swab test results. Staying home is not as much fun anymore, even if Sesame Street was on tv.

Festival d'Aurillac, 2006
A street performance festival from many creative artists in various forms,
from music, costumes, slapstick comedy, to magic, art is truly a
fascination in any form of expression.

After hearing that we have been fully vaccinated, another friend excitedly assumed that we'll be coming home to visit France again soon. The vaccine is not a ticket quite yet to a safe travel, and Singapore have implemented stricter rules in coming back. We didn't even consider the thought of traveling.

The other day in the news, the Singapore government is encouraging people to come forward to get a free swab test if we have been to certain malls where a Covid patient have visited in the past week. I've been to one and I thought I had to get my very first swab just by going to a mall.

I cannot even count the times I have walked out and forgot to wear my mask.

Nyhavn Pier, Coppenhagen, 2015
It would have seemed that there is a special occasion happening in this
famous Danish pier, but on the weekends and with a beautiful sunny weather,
it's the most crowded place I've ever seen on a regular day.

Still here. Seemingly swirling in an event horizon of different black holes, while different parts of the world, as my friend aptly referred to it as musical chairs, still struggle from the nth wave of the virus outbreak. Still here, after more than a year. The new normal, as it is fondly called, still does not feel natural.

An altered world, our view of this pandemic can vary depending on where you are. Will it be possible to have 0 case, or if not, live with SARS-CoV2 for the sake of the economy? To take back that sense of normalcy? And what do we make of new mutant variants, of reinfections, and of fully vaccinated people getting infected? Is it still possible to go back to our former world? After more than a year we are still in the dark.

Placebo Concert, Clermont Ferrand, 2015
The last concert we've seen, already forgetting how it feels like.

"Another one," a doctor's friend told him as he handed his prescription of Omeprazole. The languishing, the pandemic fatigue, as one local article appropriately described the situation we are all in - the anxiety from the uncertainty for the future. We surely can't wait for that world we are now sorely missing. Staying sane is so much more work than staying healthy.

One thing I love most about all this is having that valid personal space.

It's even a law.

Singapore's Merlion void of its usual sea of people,
photo by Kris Whiteley

Days are exceptionally longer. Places turning into ghost towns. Streets are empty. Family and friends have become more virtual than ever. Just like in the movies, the idea of an apocalypse that seems to unfold, a world on pause. When the year 2020 rolled in, there was a sense of a more hopeful future amidst the unrest that is enduring in most of the world. Significant issues that is affecting more and more people, an awakening for a need to change. Then just like that, the world was forced to slow down. As if someone has pressed the reset button. Everything we know just seemed irrelevant during the past few months when a third of the world population was on lock down.

As early as January,
masks had been in short supply

It is now into the seventh month the world is struggling to cope with an invisible foe. The world is now brought to its knees against this virus that is consuming every country, challenging our very essence in science, in the medical field, in the economy. It's unimaginable how a microbe can shake the world now with an economy attempting to recover. Businesses who are suffering or shutting down. Not all of the 80% of commercial planes that was grounded are slowly picking up. The countries who are grappling to a new normal as it gradually reopens while some are still enduring the battle to contain and flatten the curve. And not even one seventh of the world is infected. The world has definitely transformed in a matter of months.

A generation that has never faced such a trying and stressful time, will we take the occasion to fix the cracks of the system and our society?

A clear sign on prohibiting dining in a hawker

Such an experience have drawn humanity into light. It had showed us how it prevailed with acts of camaraderie and kindness, and the darkness of our society. It displayed our reaction to an altered normalcy. To stress and the fear of uncertainty. The list of our first world problems of not being able to travel, let alone go out of our own homes. The extravagance of boredom, or hoarding our personal food supply, and toilet paper. The unimaginable issue of masks, and the judgmental eyes to those who are prudent and to those who are not at all afraid. This experience has united and divided a society yet again. In the end, it somehow hadn't changed, only it brought out more color, or stain in all of us. Then life goes on. We forget so much easily of what this pandemic have made us witness. Somehow the sense of trust in different levels have been compromised.

Haji Lane deserted of tourists

There is a silent grieving of a world that may never be the same. The long wait to find it as we know it. But it is not only in getting back the life we had - to go out without masks, or to finally get to visit and fly to that place we have always dreamed of seeing. To watch a concert. To celebrate a wedding ceremony. There will now be that constant fear. Thoughts on people who have to be sick alone, die alone, and be buried alone. People who are living alone in this difficult time. People who live on the streets. People who lost their jobs. People in healthcare saving lives. People in sanitary who is keeping us safe to make us somewhat feel that we are still living normal, everyday lives. It still seems like the world pre-pandemic afterall. Just a magnified image of a world we have so long ignored.


Safety first in trains

It has been a couple of months since the world could not just stand still. The economy has to restart. Our social life had to go back to normal and start consuming again. The moment people begun about their old lives again, getting together in their favorite bars, celebrating on the streets, and started traveling again, it is easy to believe that the pandemic is over as if it had never happened. We stopped updating ourselves with news. Knowing somebody being infected has become no surprise. A few seconds of disbelief when some countries still have thousands of cases everyday, then we go on with our day. This has become our new normal, until it gets too close to home and we become just a number of those who we lost close to us to COVID 19.

What a year this has been. Cancelled events, flight tickets and hotel reservations. Too much time in confinement pondering about your current and future situation. Couples divorce, parents openly admitting being sick & tired of their kids, marriages surviving & pregnancies. The delight of humankind fighting over rolls of toilet paper, and for some finally baking their homemade breads. But there is more to this pandemic that has become an eye opener. So many issues raised, and amidst of it all, there are so many protests on the streets everywhere for a lot of other concerns. And yet, here we are, armchair critics watching the world unravel and ravel again and again in the comfort of our own couches. What is your take in this historical year so far?


Seeing friends after a week of reopening, the habit of masks

It's 1980ish in a sleepy town in Manila. Kids are wearing blinding neon clothes and sticky hair sprays. We watched so much of John Hughes, George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, Robert Zemeckis, and Stephen King's. Even Freddy Kreuger and Michael Myers were fun. We listened to a lot of music too. We were pretty much up to date with Casey Kasem and MTV. It's quite noticeable, we have a strong American presence here. The 80's was fun.

The first song that hit me was Let's Go to Bed, then The Walk, and backtracked to your Three Imaginary Boys with Grinding Halt. It was nothing like all the genres of music at this time. It felt underground, an outsider. It's that distinct sound, your voice. Ah, your voice. In the midst of all our teenage angst, this sounded different. Like it was the true tone of my generation. At least for me. I remember wearily waiting for your music videos on MTV, or staying by the radio for hours on end hoping they play your songs so I could record them. You exploded in Manila's mainstream with Love Cats, The Caterpillar, and In Between Days, and then on, you never left the Philippines' most loved bands of the era and my generation. It's still heartbreaking that Manila never got to see you play live.

Fast forward to today, I have to admit that I'm hardly a hardcore fan. 20 years ago, my husband made me rediscover your album Pornography, and somewhere together in his collection, there was Pictures of You. I have fallen in love again. I have been listening to it every morning for weeks now. I get lost with it. I find myself looking at a lot of your music videos and interviews, almost forgetting how charmingly quirky you are. For a brief moment, it's 1980's again.

Thank you, Robert Smith. Yours is the voice that transports us to a moment, recalls an emotion, and gives us that sense of comfort. Reminiscent of simpler times. I am truly grateful to have endured growing up with your music. It is timeless. Thank you for the amazing talent you have shared with us. For always staying true to your music.

Congratulations on getting in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year. It's about damn time! I hope you did get to a degree of excitement with the induction though. With or without the Hall of Fame, you are already a legend. Trent Reznor eloquently described for all of us how significant your music, and your voice are in our lives. Even after 4 decades.

"I saw you look like a Japanese baby, in an instant I remembered everything, everything..."

Somewhere in Colmar

When my sister-in-law was planning their holidays in Europe, there were some concerns about safety. It has been 18 years since we moved out of Paris, and 6 years since I last went - an idea of a city, or the country's current ambience are all drawn from the media, or from a friend of a friend of a friend. So, I sent her a video I found online on the latest scams going on in Paris. There is nothing more powerful now than the media, or the social media grapevine.

We have never been so informed of the situation of the world. Different mediums, several sources, and many truths. At the height of the Gilets Jaunes protests, we've seen so much discrepancy on the information given on television, online or on print. Some contested videos and debates, but what does it all mean? And all the other information available to us?

My husband mentioned how he was a bit worried going around Colmar in Alsace with 6 Asian women. We had an unusually bright sunny day, a temperature of 29°C, and an unexpected crowd for the season. Not even once did we feel threatened, or unsafe. Just a bit disappointed with the amount of tourists. Apparently, my husband have always had a different idea of the town. We all have, even if we haven't been to these places.

Somewhere in Manila

Manila have always had a bad reputation, it sparks all sorts of fear. I'm also uneasy every time I come home to visit, then it's always never that bad once you're there. The Philippines have never really been the first choice of holiday destination for the expats I've met. Sensing their anxiousness in traveling around the islands, and it's always not easy to get around 7,100 of them. To some degree, we all have travel anxiety which are partly fueled by the information we know of a certain place.

The news. It has never been so accessible in so many platforms. It's becoming more bold, and some as audacious as it is have become normal. Virtually everybody can provide documented information. We rely on stories from a friend of a friend of a friend. Sometimes I worry how information circulate this way. The worst part is how we share it on social media platforms, reposting without confirming the validity of said information. We have never had an era where too much information is readily available in one click, or a lack of it where it really matters. I have been getting more and more depressed of actually knowing what is happening around the world, and that fear of a place I have not even been. Media anxiety.

Somewhere in Singapore

What we have is a very powerful tool. It can bring us to places, and we have never been more connected than before. So connected that friendships were broken due to a difference of political or religious opinion. So connected that we have somewhat lost trust. And it started with, "I heard it's not safe to go to Paris?" Or, "I heard Manila is dangerous?" What else more do we hear that question our awareness?

Responsible reading, my husband tells me over and over, "too much work", I say. Responsible reading.

When Vidar joined our home in August 2002

"He's not doing well," my parents-in-law painfully sharing us the news a few weeks ago. Four days ago, my 16 year old cat Vidar, has finally gone to cat heaven. "It's just a cat," trying to reason to myself when I couldn't just stop crying. When I literally feel the hole in my heart. I feel so stupid to feel this very profound grief for my cat.

Vidar has been with us for 13.5 years out of his 16 happy years. My parents-in-law happily adopted him when we were relocated to Singapore two and a half years ago. Vidar knows them so well. He has been visiting them regularly since he joined our family. Vidar would just sleep on the 6 hour trip on the car floor without a bit of complain. They cat-sit when we go on long holidays. He was truly part of the family.

I was hoping he would move with us to Singapore, so a check-up is necessary and a vet's advise on how a 13 hour flight is for a cat at his age. But we were faced of a decision to have to leave him behind. He was diagnosed with a tumor on his liver, a year maximum to live. He was never ever really sick and I was hoping he still has his 6 lives remaining for this. But the vet thoughtfully told me to choose quality of life for Vidar. It was difficult to leave him behind but he was in good hands with my parents-in-law. And they all get to enjoy 2.5 more years of Vidar.

Vidar at his new home in 2016

"It's just a cat," so smart when his bridge fell over and he couldn't go out, he had to ask us five times to follow him so he could show us before we got it. It's just a cat, so wonderfully nice that when we leave him locked in the house for a 3 day getaway, we would always find the house exactly the same without one thing moved or broken, only a very happy purring cat to welcome us. It's just a cat, he was such a good hunter that it was the first time I saw a cicada up close, thanks to him. It's just a cat, so funny that when we forgot a 700g raw veal meat in a thermic bag on the chair for the weekend, he had consumed it all for the whole 2 days, again finding a very happy purring cat and not one crumb of meat left. It's just a cat, so affectionate that when my husband is on a business trip, he will make sure he will be home to accompany me when I sleep alone. It's just a cat, so grateful that when he had a dried wheat pin stuck in his eyes, he brought us a bird to thank us for treating him with eye drops for days. It's just a cat, who made my father-in-law very emotional, feeling the hole of his presence in the house. "Ca va passer," my mother-in-law said. Yes, it will pass. It will be a long time for my cheeks to be dry every time I will think of him.

Vidar, an incarnated mini black panther

To those who have and had cats will understand the special bond they create. Cats have always been misunderstood by their independence and for a somewhat lack of expression. I will always now prefer cats from dogs, and I grew up with dogs. I even had a black Labrador, who I sometimes believe have reincarnated a part of her in Vidar.

It's just a cat, to everybody else.

It's my cacat, my caton, my chaton, my booboop - my very first cat. And he was perfect.

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